“Whenever you feel compelled to put others first at the expense of yourself, you are denying your own reality, your own identity.”
― David Stafford, Codependency: How to break free and live your own life
If you have a close loved one who has entered a San Diego addiction recovery program – whether residential or outpatient – the chances are that a counselor has recommended that you also receive counseling for such possible issues as codependency, depression, or PTSD.
As discussed in the last installment, one of the best things you can do for yourself – and ultimately the addict – is to detach, or “let go with love”.
How Does This Help the Addict?
To be brutally honest, it may not.
Ultimately, the question of whether or not your loved ones will recover from addiction cannot be answered by any actions or inactions on your part.
And, just as ultimately, the responsibility for their recovery does not lie with you. 12-Step recovery programs have a motto known as the “Three C’s” –
- You didn’t CAUSE the addiction,
- You can’t CONTROL the addiction, and
- You can’t CURE the addiction.
Taking that motto to heart, it means that the addict is responsible for their own recovery. Even though it is unlikely that they are able to overcome their active addiction by themselves, they still have to be the one to make that admission and ask for help.
When you stop focusing on them, you just might set into motion a chain of events that causes them to do just that.
When a person is codependent upon their substance-abusing loved one, they invariably become adept at enabling them – completely insulating them from the natural consequences of their addicted behaviors. The enabler makes the excuses, pays the bills and fines, and all of the other “cleaning up” made necessary by the addict’s destructive actions and behaviors.
The addict never has to face any real repercussions, so they have no motivation to make any change. Why should they? If you want to spur the addict into action, YOU have to change.
Choosing the San Diego drug addiction recovery program that works best for you and your family can be confusing at this stressful time in your life. Contact Lasting Recovery today, get your questions answered, and take the first, most important step for yourself, your addicted loved one, and your family.